Well, I've been trying to get back on track, but really, I feel like a train that's been derailed at high speed. Lessons learned? Absolutely. But I'm still strugglingto get back on that track. I'm currently in a holding pattern - one that involves going around in circles being unable to land on any one thing long enough to connect. Have you ever felt like that?
Oddly enough it's my stuff now that's send me over the edge. I gave my keys to my four year old on Friday as we came in from the doctor's. He opened the front door as I got my little guy out of the car and grabbed some bags. I'm pretty sure that's the last I saw of my keys. So I've been frantically searching for them all weekend. As I'm trying to go through one room at a time in a sort of methodical manner, I've realized that my home is a disaster. Even though I have purged and purged from here, we just don't have things fitting where they should.
I know that having little toys around and out isn't a bad thing. But the fact that, while they do it everywhere else, my boys do not tidy up properly after themselves is driving me batty. I'm a little tired of being the nagging mom. I've already put 3 huge boxes of their toys into storage to rotate in once they kept what they had left tidy. But I'm nearly at the point of having them come home to only 3 things and making them keep those tidy before they earn back their toys. But then I think that perhaps my two year old might not really understand that. And yes, I feel guilty. And really - can you ask your kids to do what you don't do? My stuff is a disaster, too. Just ask my husband, it drives him crazy.
What I need is a week to just be alone and purge and move things around and decide what stays or goes and to catch up. Or at least feel caught up since I know that really, one is never caught up. (stuff always ends up in the laundry basket at days end to defy you). And lets be realistic - a week alone with no kids or husband or pets to distract me isn't going to happen. I need to get with the program and do it a little at a time consistently every day.
Perhaps I just need our reno to be done. I think it's gotten to me. I just want to make our home nice and I've lost the energy and drive to even do my part back there. I have to paint the ceilings and touch up the walls, order my indoor clothes dryer etc. and haven't done a single bit of it. I'm perfectly capable of building the closet organizer - but have I? Nope.
What I really want to do is crawl into my bed, pull the covers over my head and wake up to a sparkling new home. Since I'm pretty sure the cleaning, organizing, cooking and painting fairies are all busy, I guess I'll just have to settle for pulling up my socks, putting on my shoes and doing it myself - one step at a time. But first.. .I think I'm going to go take a nap. (and hope my keys come to me in a vision to let me know where they are)