Beach Thoughts - Summer's Regrets...

I’m at the beach.  Really. I know I said I get here a few times while I was off, but somehow the time just got away from me.  I don’t know how that happens.  One day you're packing up for 6 weeks off. The next thing you know, you’re going back to work in two days.   Scary.  Especially since I’m not ready.

There is so much going on in my life right now that I just can’t see going back.  I have to.  But I don’t want to.   I have a garden to move, plants to plant, rooms to redo, a desk to organize, a life to live – all those things I want to do with my boys that are still left undone – crafts, learning books, day trips. 

How did this happen?  I had 6 weeks off.  42 days of summer stretched before me and now.  Gone.  We didn’t go to the beach, the bird sanctuary, the playplace, Ikea, the park (ok we did once).  We didn’t play like I wanted. 

And worse.  My son is going to kindergarten.  In 3 weeks.  I’m not ready for that.  I’m not ready for this change in our lives.  It’s going to get really complicated and I’m just plain not ready for it.   Thank God my husband is going to be off for six weeks when school starts.  At least we can ease our child into this big new world of school and a new daycare.  But still.  Preschool days are over.  Endless possibities? Done.  We have a schedule and a timeline now.  It’s all new to me and, at this moment, I hate it.

I wanted to be able to take time off to raise my boys.  But we live in part of the country that makes it very difficult.  You can’t afford a home on one salary.  So we decided we’d do it this way.  Sometimes I wish it were different.   It’s not that I don’t love my job, either.  I have a fabulous job.  I work as a mediator and run the informal conflict management program for a region.  It’s awesome – a chance to make a difference in people’s lives.  To help them make positive changes.  It’s a job that makes one feel good.  It’s not the job. It’s just the timing. 

I want to be a mother more.  To be there for them. To stop missing out on these firsts, these milestones.  I wish… I wish… I wish things could be...  Different.  I’m not sure how.  Realistically – I’m a lousy homemaker.  But I try – hard.   I can’t help but think if I just had more time to get into it, I’d get it right.  Maybe not like Martha, but at least I’d have some level of organization here.

So now, while I still have a couple of years left for the younger one, I’m searching for a way to make it happen.  Somewhere out there is the answer.  Maybe I’ll write a best seller – then work from home on my next one.  Or I’ll become some awesome freelancer – and everyone will want me to write for them.  Heck, - maybe both! 

Hmm and here I am.  At the beach. My fingers getting cold, the sun gone, the last vestiges of crimson slashing across the sky.   Wishing.   Hoping that first star comes out to make it all right. I can see the moon, so it can’t be far away.   And I’m doing what I always do.  Working out the ending of the story.  Making it ok. Giving myself hope.  Telling myself I need to go back to work – I have unfinished business there.  I need to help someone.  I need to reach out.  Telling myself that I’ll figure it all out. I’ll find a way to do it all.  To get all the pieces of my life together and in harmony. (right down to exercising!) 

I won’t use the word balance.  That’s a dirty word.  It’s impossible.  But I’ll definitely get those balls all up in the air and juggle.  If I practice, I’ll drop less and less of them as time goes on.  And that’s ok by me.

Summer in Retrospect...

Well, here I am almost six weeks into my leave (which was for six weeks) and um.. ahem.. cough.. yeah... I didn't follow through on my incredible workout plan.  In fact,  I  - are you ready?  - I slept in some days.  Really.  Now that in itself is a miracle, but the kids just seemed to cooperate.  I found my older son in his room playing Leapster quietly in bed. My little one - he was on his bed (which is a huge novelty to him since we transitioned him into a toddler bed a few weeks ago) reading his books!  While I slept.  Seriously.  I had to look for pods - you know, just in case.

I've had an amazing time off - we didn't do all the things I thought I would - but I've rearranged my home some, cleared out a shed, spent days redoing my oldest's bedroom (with an eye in the plan for it to become a shared room when the little man is old enough to join the big one - thus putting me into a room of my own for crafting/writing and dreaming -  mwa ha ha... um.. that was my evil laugh, sorry, got carried away for a moment)

I've played, laid about, cuddled, kissed and loved my wee men, gone away all by myself, done some writing, built a huge playground in the backyard (OK, that one had LOTS of help from the best friends and family EVER) entered a few contests, written my first review and giveaway, given lots of thought to my writing project that I'm taking to the Surrey International Writer's Conference this year, and well, ENJOYED myself.  I have to say, it's been good for me. 

I haven't lost any weight - BUT I haven't gained any. I think I've figured out the maintenance part, at least.  I'll get back on track - I have yoga at work starting next week, still have a pass for the local studio to use up, got another for a studio my sister and I want to try out, have my Total Body Revolution package, two feet for walking on nice days, and a whole lot of want to meet my goal in this part of my life by year's end (29lbs to go)

And I'm writing - I love writing.  I brings me joy and makes me feel alive in so many ways.  I love to share all this stuff in my head (and oh, the characters - really one can only keep so many people up there, you know?  They want out!)

And did I mention I'm with my kids?   Things all change come fall.  It's going to be a huge transition for us - Kindergarten!  School.  OMG!  I can see the tears now as we move from my oldest going to my parents to a before/after care and full day Kindergarten.  Big sobbing ones, floods of tears.. um.. probably all mine and done alone as I don't want to scare my big boy.  Yep, I'm off the first week of school.  Bit hard to be helping others at work when one is all a mess.
And now you know...  where I'm at, where I've been and what's coming.  Sort of.  I'm looking forward to getting back on track, and sad to leave this unscheduled, lovely moment in time behind.   I'm sure that I'll have lots of motivating stuff to excite you - so stay tuned.  After all, no matter what we have coming - it's all one big adventure and sharing it is half the fun!

My First Giveaway! "Listen to Me Please" by Ava Parnass & Dr. Ron Taffel

When I received an email asking if I would like to review the book “Listen to Me Please” by Ava Parnass RN, MSN, CS & Dr. Ron Taffel the timing was perfect.   After being home with the kids for a couple of weeks, they were wearing on me – and time outs and frustration were the name of the game that day.

Listen to Me Please Time in Not Time Out  is a great book that helps children to describe how they are feeling and opens the door to discussion about it.  It helps them express themselves through its pictures so that they can make themselves understood.  So instead of a frustrated child, you have one that feels heard.  (especially nice when they are younger and just don’t have the words to put to how they feel right when you ask them)

The idea is to find quiet time to sit down together and look through the book’s 15 pictures. There are conversation starters and plenty of parenting tips provided.    Giving your child the opportunity to share the picture that describes their day, allows you time to sit together and discuss it. If your child cannot choose one, you can help by finding one that fits in with how the day has gone (i.e. learning to play nicely together – one I think fits here at home after a day of sibling rivalry)

In our lives, there isn’t always a lot of time to just sit down and be – to really connect with our kids.  We’re so busy trying to keep up with the craziness that sometimes these special and important moments get left out.  And we all need them – both us and the kids.  I like how this is acknowledged and how the book isn’t just for kids – it’s a tool for parents, too.  And in my overwhelming world, I love that it gives me tips to make positive changes in myself.  That kind of fits in with my philosophy this year so it’s right on the mark for me.  Being a better parent is always a good thing!

Overall, I’m really pleased with the book.  The boys like it, too.  My four year old likes to share with me and the book is really helpful for chatting about his day. (heard at the dinner table this week..."so Mom, how was your day?" said very seriously and with great attentiveness to my answer)  My two year old likes to tell me about the pictures – he’s a bit young for the intent, but he’s getting there. They like the drawings and I like the intent.

For More information on this book and how to purchase it (as well as other books and great kids songs) – go to http://www.listentomeplease.com/

And thanks to the generosity of Ms. Ava Parnass, I have a digital copy of the book  Listen to Me Please and a bonus song to give away to one of my readers!  Here’s how:

Mandatory Entry:  Leave a comment below to share why you’d love to have this book

Optional Entries:

• Follow me on Twitter @rjdoghouse and  tweet the following (2X daily) -  leave a comment with link for each tweet

 Enter to Win the children's book Listen to Me Please by Ava Parnass from @rjdoghouse & @listentomepleas http://tinyurl.com/3btg8lt (8/21)

• Follow @listentomepleas on Twitter and leave a comment

• Follow my blog  publicly through Google Friends Connect and leave a comment

• Subscribe to the ListenToMePlease blog and comment

Valid World Wide

Winners will be chosen through random.org
Ends 08/21  (August 21, 2011)

Good Luck!!! J

AND THE WINNER IS.....

bigdisneyfan 

Congratulations!!

True Random Number Generator Min: Max: Result: 19 Powered by RANDOM.ORG

A time of renewal

Last week I escaped.  I packed my bags, got in my vehicle and made a run for the border to a secret hideaway.   Really.  For the first time (I think since I've been married) I stepped outside my life for four days and took time for me.  All by myself. 

The purpose was to write.  To get into my head and pull out those people.. I mean characters, that live in there and breathe life to them on the page.  I spent the better part of my time with my butt parked, my netbook at the ready, my thoughts open.  I spent the other part of my time wandering about, exploring a little and drinking in the peace of being in a cabin on the waterfront with tides to reveal a little or less of what lay below.  Kind of like writing, things were open to view, or hidden until the time was right.

I stayed in La Conner, Washington - or rather just over from it.  I got to see fighter jets overhead (which, yes, brought about all kinds of great romantic fantasy ideas for another story down the road!), taste the salty breeze, feel the sun on my face and really hear my thoughts.  I stayed up late writing and reading, I slept in, I ate what I wanted (Sorry Ally - I couldn't help myself! and I'll get back on track this week, it is after all a lifestyle change and change takes time right?)

I got cozy with some really hot guys (all on paper, lol) and got to know my heroine.  Turns out the men in my romance want it to be their story.  That's what you get for working with alpha-males - even if they are imaginary.

And I got to do a lot of thinking about my life.  I know that being in a wee cabin, I had everything I needed, I missed my kids dreadfully, I missed my husband and I missed our pets.  I didnt' miss the stuff I own.   hmmm..

I also came to the conclusion that I want to be a better parent - learn how to get my kids to do things because they want to, not because mommy  has finally gone over the edge and made them.  I want them to be happy with less - I want me to be happy with less.  I want us to connect, to do things together.  To make the most of this precious time while they are small.

I want to be a better me.  I want to give myself the gift of time to write, to exercise, to make good choices whether it be food, or how I use my time.  I want to embrace the possibilities, not focus on the can'ts.

At the halfway point of the year, I am just under halfway to my weigh loss goal. It's time to step up to the plate (not literally!) and get focused.  I need to reach this goal - it's more than just about weight. It's about being healthy and giving myself the gift of caring.   I want this for my kids, for my spouse, for me.  I want to be an example to us all that we can make changes and we can have it all.  Maybe not perfectly, but in my own slighly chaotic way.

I'll be chatting a bit about all of this over the next while - so stay tuned. And please - feel free to share anything you wish about making changes, learning, finding time - finding ourselves and in that, connecting with those we love.

Ready Set Go! Again!!

I am off for six weeks - six weeks of summer bliss!!!  And.. exercise!  I decided that I would redo the 8 week challenge.  July 2nd was d-day.  Ok.. so the eating has gone mostly well the first two days, but with all the work around home, the exercise  not so much.  No worries, though - I'm getting up at 6am tomorrow to begin my daily routine for the I'm on worried - I'll be sure to lose those first.  :-)

I have so much I want to do while I'm off - not the least of which is getting away for a few days all by myself (which is happening and I'll share more on that later this month)  My plan is to get up at 6, workout while my husband gets ready for work, shower, get up the kiddos, breakfast for all and be ready to face the day around 8am - giving us the whole day to enjoy. 

I'm so excited to get going with my plans to work on my home, my routines, my health and spend time with family.  It's going to be great.  I do have a goal - 15lbs and 15inches. This is what I decided on - doable but I have to work for it - no coasting for sure!  I have a hair appointment booked in 8 weeks for a cut/colour - my reward for a job well done.  I say there is nothing like positive thinking, right?

And to add a little 'flavour' to my workout  beginnings?  I decided to start rearranging furniture - so there is stuff all over right now. I need to purge - my home is too small for all the things I've held onto.  I foresee a very interesting few weeks ahead!  Stay tuned and I'll share my journey! 

“Lovable Labels BlogHer’ 11 Getaway Contest- Finding Me

Lovable Labels is running an incredible contest - and as part of it, they asked "what is your greatest accomplishment".  That really got me thinking...

If anyone had asked, there was a time I’d have said my greatest accomplishment was getting the job I have now. After all, I help people in conflict.  I get to use my gift of speaking and sharing to let them work through issues, together, to an outcome of their choosing.  What could be greater?  Well, motherhood, for sure – but aside from that?

The more I’ve thought on it, though, I’ve realized that wouldn’t be the truth.  I’ve done many great things – charity work, successful projects – gosh the list is endless.   And none of it would be the greatest.

I spent my youth wishing I was popular.  By the time I hit college, I worked out 7 days a week to be skinny so I could have the ‘perfect’ body.  Seven days a week…

I ate little, and what little I ate couldn’t be counted as healthy – diet coke and a bag of chips (which I worked out to burn off).  I picked at food – hated it some days, loved it others – never really being satisfied.  I didn’t want to go back to feeling like the fat girl I thought I was in high school.  When out on a date, God forbid I actually enjoyed a meal.

That perfect body I mentioned?  It never happened.  No matter how much I worked out, or how much weight I lost, I still felt fat.  I was never happy with how I looked.  There was always another girl who was thinner, prettier or more attractive than I was.  Self-esteem… yeah..right..

I hung out with the ‘in’ crowd, was part of the student council, did well in class – but somehow it never seemed to fill that empty place inside.  The boys I liked didn’t notice me. The people I surrounded myself with didn’t see, well, me. The real me.  I felt like I was on the outside looking in.  A stranger in a crowd of friends.

The scary thing is, that feeling persisted into my adulthood. But now instead of thin as the goal, being invisible was.  Until one day I realized that the only person who could change that, was me.   I decided to step out of my comfort zone (which included a protective padding of extra weight) and make some changes.  I began to eat well –  deciding I deserved better.  I began to exercise – in fact, I participated in an online challenge, sharing my journey for all to see.  I set a goal to average a pound a week for a year.  I’m almost halfway there and right on target! 

I’ve decided that being an inspiration for others – especially my children – is important.  When you start a journey like this, you lose more than weight.  You let go of a lot of negative habits and more than a little guilt.  I’ve also come to terms that how I felt back then was my perspective – and not necessarily that of others. I am still surrounded by many of  those people from my youth and I now know I was wrong about what they saw.  I wasted a lot of years with those feelings.

Learning to let go of my negative voice, to embrace a new lifestyle, to let friends be supportive and to truly share with them is transforming my life. And no, I’m not perfect or even reaching for it - and that’s ok!  I see the opportunities. I embrace the unexpected.  I love myself. And that, all on its own, is my greatest accomplishment.

ENOUGH!!

When I talk to other women – especially other Moms – we seem to be speaking a common language.  I say it often – I’m a tired, overwhelmed, working Mother.   It’s a state of being that I don’t enjoy, but it’s my reality at this stage in the game.  I commute nearly four hours a day, I have too much stuff (which leaves me constantly trying to deal with it), two small boys, two big hairy dogs, a yard that needs a great deal of work, a half finished reno, a new active lifestyle and a job that can sometimes be a challenge as I deal with people in conflict.  Each piece of my life is manageable on its own and some of it is down right pleasurable (wee hugs make a lot of things better!)  Yet when you throw it all together, it’s easy to see why I feel I am slowly getting further behind. 

I know it’s not fair to me to compare what I accomplish at home,  how I have a hard time keeping up, with the traditional stay at home Mother of the past.  In today’s world, we are pulled in so many more directions.  Where once women kept the home fires burning – leading a very insular life that revolved around home and family first, and then community – today’s women are not only active in their home and with their families, they work outside the home, they volunteer, they home school, do their own home renos run the carpool, and oh, so much more.  All of those gadgets that were invented to make our lives easier – the dishwasher, the washing machine, the microwave – didn’t lessen the load, they simply made it possible to add more lines on the ‘to do’ list with an expectation we actually complete them.  It’s an insanity that just keeps on building, faster, bigger, more. And one day we just have to step back and say “Enough!”

We’ve grown up in a world that makes us feel we have to do it all and we have to do it perfectly. If we don’t we’re failures.  When we get overwhelmed, rather than let anyone know it, we hide.  We don’t invite people over in case they see the mess, we don’t go out because we don’t feel good about how we look, and we don’t embrace an active lifestyle because we are ashamed that we don’t have a perfect body.  It’s crazy – we know it is – but it’s the life so many of us lead.   When I commented to a friend that she needed to give herself a break – do you know what she said to me?  With tears in her eyes, she said “I don’t know how”.   Another fabulous woman (one of my fellow Mommyfit contestants) wrote a whole blog post about that well known word – Guilt.  These are but two examples of so very many.  

Dear God, if this is what we’ve done to ourselves, it’s gone too far!  We deserve better.  We deserve to love our self no matter what we look like, no matter what we are physically capable of and no matter how our home looks.  We deserve to give ourselves credit for the amazing things we do – loving our family, learning to care for our self, and the thousand things we do at home, work and for our friends.

We will never be perfect. At least not in the way that we think we should be.  We will never ever, be ‘caught up’.  That’s an illusion we chase.  If you doubt me, after a day of doing laundry, look in the hamper after everyone goes to bed. 

We need to commit to giving ourselves a break. To love ourselves for the incredible things we do, for the amazing women we are.  We need to see us through the eyes of our children.  I know mine only see me as their Mommy – the person who heals with a kiss, plays with them, comforts them, loves them with all my heart, and makes their world complete.   We must see ourselves as amazing just the way we are, with the potential to grow and learn.  We must give ourselves a break.  Only then will we be able to take a good hard look at our lives in order to figure out what we need to do to feel whole, instead of scattered.

As part of my journey, this has to happen.  One cannot live a healthier life without loving oneself just as they are.  If you can relate, won’t you join me?